Last night as I was holding Paxton before bedtime, it really really hit me for the first time: I have two children. This may seem obsurd as Paxton is almost nine months old. I have had two kids for that long.
I used to imagine what it would feel like to have a child and the intense love that comes along with that. Having Cohen has been the most life-changing, heart-transforming and selfless thing I have ever experienced. I could not imagine a deeper love.
When I got pregnant with Paxton, my one main concern was how I would be able to split my time and love fairly between both children. How could I possibly give any more than what I was already giving to Cohen? I have come to the realization that its not about splitting my love but my heat doubled.
Back to last night..I was sitting there holding my baby and became suddenly, vibrantly aware of the deep love I have in my body for both Cohen and Paxton.
My boys. I never would have guessed that I would be the mother of two sons.
This love is overwhelming but I wouldn't have it anyway.