I guess I'm a Runner Now

This past weekend I crossed one goal of my proverbial list: Completed a half marathon. For those of you who don't know a half marathon is 13 miles (21kms). 

I had two goals going into the race: I wanted to finish it and I didn't want to walk one step of it.

I did both!

I finished in two hours and two minutes. Fifth in my age category. 

Not too shabby, seeing as the longest I had ever run was 11 kms. 

I tend to get bored running, but here the adrenaline kept me going:)

 Jason and the boys came with me for support. Jason probably had it worse then me since we had to wake up the boys at 6am to get to the race in time.

 These boys are my life!

This is my approaching the finish line.

Aside from my ipod there were a few things that I told myself in order to keep going. Especially with those hills!

I didn't want to be the one fainting or vomiting or carried away on the stretcher.

I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.

I repeated many times the following things:

If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.

My strength comes from the Lord.

Cohen will be waiting at the finish line for me. (He asked if I was racing like Lightning McQueen!)

Around mile 8 or so I took a moment to just take in how I was feeling. A beautiful morning, beautiful scenery and it was an adrenaline like no other. 

I felt at peace.

I felt amazing.

I felt strong.

Then...

I felt sore.

So sore.

From my hips down to my toes.

Three days later and its mostly my feet that hurt (Jason did tell my to get better shoes).

If I sit for two long then my hips hurt again.

I would am going to do a half again!

If I wasn't so sore I would do it right now.

I've always told people I wasn't a runner.

But now I guess I am.

post spontaneity

I blog irregularly.

If you are one of the three (I'm being generous here!) that follow my ramblings..you already know that.

For a week I'll post every day...and then nothing I vanish into the offline abyss.

Its not for not wanting to. Sometimes I lay awake at night. By brain hurts from all the words wanting to escape.

I don't really write for others. The words pour out from inside, not picky of their audience. There is something vulnerable about posting online.

I tried writing with paper and pen but for me online is better. There is something about hitting "publish" that is exhilirating and downright frightening. To keep a journal on your bedside table but airing your thoughts online where everyone...anyone can read...yikes! I try my best not to put myself in vulnerable spots but here my audience is mostly unknown (except for you, G-ma!).

If you know me you probably wouldn't describe me as a creative person. But let me tell you, behind the schedules and the narotic desire for wanting to know everything, there is a creative soul desperate to escape.

If only for more time. You might say..isn't there something I could sacrifice in order to have the time to nurture my creative side.

After housework, diapers, working part-time, working out, making time to at least acknowledge my husband exists, laundry (oh! the laundry) I barely have time to sleep.Seriously.

First Day of Preschool

I didn't shed a tear. Not one.

I'm almost crying now over the fact that I didn't cry.

Maybe it was because I wasn't sure what I should do with how I feel. To be so sad and so proud at the same time.

Cohen started preschool today.

I registered him. It was my idea. But I didn't really want him to go. We are buddies.

Off he went in his little monogrammed cardigan (pics to follow). He wasn't even excited to see me. Just neutral.

Little does he know,  I left the house to pick him up an hour and a half before preschool was over. I needed to leave the house. It was too quiet without him. Even with Pax and my nephew here. It felt empty.

He's my sunshine; my world felt like a cloudy day without him.

We walked the half hour home...I patiently waited for him to start gabbing about all that he did and who he talked to, you know, tell him all the details over and over again...like toddlers do. I had to almost force the words out of his mouth. Like preschool was just his secret and I wasn't privileged to know what went on.

All he told me is that he wants to go back.

I was so proud..and still am. So proud of my baby boy who is growing up and in preschool! He didn't act shy with his school pals or his teachers. That's what I wanted when I signed him up.

Speaking of baby boy. I knelt down in front of my three year old and told him "I'm so proud of you, my baby boy." He has never once rejected a statement like that..I don't know why he chose today to start. Perhaps to watch my heart shatter...He responded "mom..I'm not a baby...I'm a big boy...I go to preschool."

Ok I get it. He liked it. He wants to go back. This is the start of him becoming his own person.

I'm sad..and so extremely proud.

Words can't describe.

life is busy

I know I'm not the only one with a busy life. But sometimes being busy is overwhelming. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy having things to do. Sometimes I just don't have enough time in a day, week, month to get everything done that I want to do...whether its necessary or just something that I want to do.

I recently got asked to serve a need in our church. I haven't answered yet. My baby, Pax, is not even a year yet and I don't like to leave him in the nursery. This need would need me to leave him somewhere and I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that yet. Also, it would also mean that I would have to sacrifice my Sunday school class...leaving me without that opportunity for growth and learning.

I'm struggling because the above reasons are all selfish. I should be jumping at the chance to serve where there is a need. Will Paxton remember that I didn't spend Sunday School with him? or Will it mean more to him that I served even if it meant a sacrifice for me?

I've been praying about it but since I have not received an answer..I'm assuming this one is up to me to figure out:)

sitting is hard

Yesterday was the first day of the 10 week beachbody class that I'm teaching...and man oh man am I a little sore. Whether I'm standing or sitting..my butt hurts...I'm guessing it has a lot to do with all the squats that we did.
I'm looking forward to teaching this class again. It was so much fun..work but fun!
I made a huge pot of oatmeal as a "treat" for the end of the class.
This was my recipe:
Oatmeal-icious!
servings: at least 10
3 cups of multigrain oats
3 tbsp ground flaxseed
2 tsp cinnamon
1 scoop vanilla protein powder

Bring 6 cups of water to a rapid boil. Stir in oats and rest of above ingredients. Reduce heat.
Leave for 6-8 minutes.
Remove from heat.

Stir in:

1 cup of blueberries (frozen or fresh)
2 chopped bananas

Top with yogurt (optional)

Gobble up!

Sunshine

I picked up my laptop and thought I would write a post about how lovely I think summer days are. And its true, I really do enjoy warm, sunny days.

But just as I was about to start typing I took a quick look outside and took account of where I was. Currently I'm sitting on my living room floor wearing a skirt and tank top, drinking an iced coffee and staring out the window at the gorgeous blue skies...and I'm also wearing a huge warm blanket. Its just such an odd concept to write about the warm weather, while shivering under a blanket in an air-conditioned igloo! 

Don't get me wrong..I love air conditioning. Its take the humidity out of the air so that even with my seasonal allergies I can still breath.

My favourite thing about being a SAHM is being able to spend the summers outside. We can take our time getting ready and taking a walk or the bike ride to the park. We can play in the water and take turns going down the slides. After a little snack we can go home, change into dry, clean clothes and make some low-key lunch before long, play-induced naps. Summer is a great excuse not to get as much done in the house...finally a justification for not cleaning...love!

I'm looking forward to long, warm summer days that stretch into cool evenings around the fire.

Sharing the love.

Last night as I was holding Paxton before bedtime, it really really hit me for the first time: I have two children. This may seem obsurd as Paxton is almost nine months old. I have had two kids for that long.
 I used to imagine what it would feel like to have a child and the intense love that comes along with that. Having Cohen has been the most life-changing, heart-transforming and selfless thing I have ever experienced. I could not imagine a deeper love.
When I got pregnant with Paxton, my one main concern was how I would be able to split my time and love fairly between both children. How could I possibly give any more than what I was already giving to Cohen? I have come to the realization that its not about splitting my love but my heat doubled.
Back to last night..I was sitting there holding my baby and became suddenly, vibrantly aware of the deep love I have in my body for both Cohen and Paxton.
My boys. I never would have guessed that I would be the mother of two sons.
This love is overwhelming but I wouldn't have it anyway.